For Martin...

I can still remember being a little girl...growing up and hearing Stevie's song celebrating Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. He was like this perfect man, this Idol, this figure that should be revered. Yet he felt so distant that I could not understand how his existence affected my life. As I grew older, I found myself beginning to dislike some of Dr. King's practices. Seeing "Eyes on the Prize" and watching my elders learn how to crouch and duck during police beatings and other horrific assaults was not my idea of what the fight for justice should look like.

I found myself thinking that he was a passive idealist. It was not until college that I became fascinated with who he really was. I began my own independent research. From there I found tons of books, speeches and articles about Dr. King. I found his complexity, militancy and growing disdain with American politics (especially during the Vietnam War). It was the vastness of his dream that was hidden from me as a little girl. It was more than little white girls and boys holding hands with people that looked like me. He was a man who was brave enough to call out a country that dishonored the very principles it was built upon. As we can see, America has yet to answer his call.

One night I had a long conversation with one of my friends. I was telling him how I admired Brother Malcolm much more than Martin because he went from a hustler and thief to becoming one of the most upstanding and outspoken leaders of his time. My friend then asked me which quality was more admirable - someone who was at the bottom and found the strength to change their ways, or someone who was born into a Middle class family, had a legacy of leadership, stellar education and family support who despite such great fortune was empathetic and giving enough to put that all on the line, and move out of his comfort zone to see that all men are able to be free and seen as equal no matter what color, economic background and circumstances they were born into.

It was at this point that I truly appreciated Dr. King and what he stood for. I pray that as we all continue to seek a life of financial comfort and stability, higher education and build or continue a proud family legacy, that we never forget to reach out to our other brothers and sisters and not be consumed by the selfishness, greed and coldness that permeates the core of this country. Let us celebrate and remember our great elder by remembering what he stood for; living a good life, using our talents to provide service to others and leaving our children and future generations with a proud legacy, something to look forward to, and someone to look up to. I love you Brother Martin and I thank you for your life and legacy.

With love and sincerity always,

Dulce

My People, Hold On...(Dedication to Haiti)

This is my status post tragedy

the earth shattered

and shook my soul

towards the brink of insanity

forces beyond my control

ravage and rattle me

weary of battling

I'm unraveling

hanging on to my last string

of Hope...

Honestly I am speechless. I have nothing else to add to what as already been said other than prayers for my people and a small offering I am humbled and grateful. My father and I were relocated after our apartment building burned down in 2005. So although I can not fathom this disaster, deep down I have an inkling.

As an educated Black woman in America I feel it is my obligation to continue to work towards the empowerment of my people globally. This begins internally. So despite my struggles, my fears, my opposition, I continue to keep going and growing. I pray that the creator continues to give all of us strength to move forward and overcome.

The Makings of Faithfulness

"I keep moving forward, pressing onward, striving further..."

Jill Scott

Well, Happy New Year my lovelies. Its been a mighty long time since I've written to the people, for the people. As I sit here thinking about my life, I have experienced the full spectrum of emotions this past year and during the two hours it took me to complete this post. I am glad that peaceful gratitude has been the end result of both.

This post is serving several purposes as my New Year's/Return to Blogging/Makings Theme Finale. Since my high school graduation in 2000, I have been working diligently to obtain my RN license. There have been many trials and tears along the way. I used to cry and write to my brother often, telling him how I felt worthless because I did not have my degree in 4 years like most of my friends. For the longest I was scared to join Facebook because I have no degree, marriage, fancy house or children to show for myself. How is a woman who is pushing 30 supposed to present herself when these are the defining tasks of her peer group? He would always say "when you get that degree, the diploma, GPA, title, the amount of years, all that wont matter. Your patients, people will be drawn to the loving, humble, giving and experienced woman behind that uniform and that is going to be all that counts." He was right.

This grand feeling of Euphoria I was expecting after walking across that stage in December was non-existent. All that mattered to me was that I was with my family and friends. I felt proud that I survived so many trials and that I never gave up.

During the 9.5 years that led to me obtaining my RN, I: attended several colleges, universities and vocational schools, gained and lost (and lost and gained) nearly 40lbs, suffered and recovered from a major depression, lost several loved ones and friendships that were dear to me, terminated my first and only pregnancy, watched my apartment go up in flames, was put out of my Dad's home several times just to be welcomed back with open arms, and spent a massive amount of time and energy entertaining and desiring males that were poor choices hoping they would give me happiness. I even had a raging confrontation with a co-worker back in 08' that nearly caused me to be terminated and banned from Children's Hospital. (It was by God's grace that the truth was revealed and the outcome resulted in my favor.)

While these events just scratch the surface of the events that occurred within my life this past decade, they have helped me reach a place of faithfulness and appreciation in my life. I remember reading a quote that said "No one is going to be with you your entire life except you, so why not love, appreciate and enjoy your time with yourself." This has truly been my biggest challenge. Most of my life I let people, material things, events and circumstances dictate my attitude about myself and the world around me.

As I pause for a second, Donny Hathaway and Roberta Flack are dominating my ipod's playlist. I listen to take in the perfect harmonies and tears begin to fall. My attitude of gratitude is quickly washed away by sadness. I am reminded how empty loneliness feels. I honestly can't remember what it is like to be loved and adored. I miss and long for physical and emotional intimacy...

"Sigh"...but then I look around my Dad's place and I smile again. I let out a hearty laugh because he brought his air horn to my graduation and was blowing it and screaming my name like a mad man in the front row. I see family pictures and all the cards I received from loved ones. I think about the woman I have become. The one that cooked 4 days straight after work so that everyone could enjoy a feast fit for kings on Christmas Day. The woman that gives the little she has to support others, the one that is always there. I think of my freedom to go and do as a please without permission. The one that knows her worth, how she should be treated and no longer accepts less. The one that keeps her home, business and finances in order. The one who is a responsible and productive member of her family and society. Then I smile and remember two words: faith and forward. My purpose is to share love and knowledge. Nursing, writing and my gift of generosity are just a few of the vessels that will lead me to you and lead us to a better experience in this life. I remember not to look to others, but to appreciate the plan and purpose the creator has uniquely designed for me. I feel at ease again.

I believe this year is full of great things to come. I am asking my readers to be patient with me as I strive to maintain balance in my life. Although I have walked across that stage, I am currently in the process of studying for my state board exam. I am also moving to Florida this summer which means I am taking at least 2 trips south, filling out vacancy applications, looking at apartments (I'm a grown damn woman, no roommates allowed! LOL) and working extra shifts to save money. All this while attempting to keep my sanity, have a piece of a social life and still make time for church, Chai, belly dance and long baths. (We'll see how this goes, since I have yet to give up my 12 hours shifts every weekend)

I desire to remain the Queen of "blogging on a higher level" as well. So what I have decided to do is pace myself. My goal is to post on a weekly basis. My original blog was 1.5 years old, had 122 beautiful posts and was accidentally deleted. Luckily I was able to recover all of my old posts. So I am apologizing to my devoted readers in advance, but while I am transitioning I will be mixing new and old posts to rebuild and maintain volume and consistency. I am a woman of quality so you are guaranteed to be inspired and enlightened whether new or old.

I want to thank you for offering a part of your valuable time to me. I am looking forward to you joining me in the near future. Until then I wish you love, light and salud! :-).